Saturday, December 22, 2007

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To The Drapery Dept

It happened my first Winter in North Idaho a week or two after Thanksgiving........ my baby sister, Mary, had invited me to tag along for a Christmas-shopping trip to Spokane.  We planned for Mary to drive to Moscow to get me on Friday, then we would drive to Spokane and meet with Sis (my niece) and her friends at the Mall on Saturday. We planned to shop till we dropped, eat all we wanted, treat ourselves to a night in a motel, then drive back to Moscow on Sunday; Mary would spend the night before returning to the Tri-Cities on Monday. Our plans were going without a hitch. We had shopped our way through a variety of shops, tried on every perfume, lotion and potion known to mankind, nibbled about 10,000 calories worth of this and that, and people-watched, (while taking short breaks) from the benches provided along the highways and byways between stores. Mary and I decided to head for the second floor of Penny's to look at some drapes and valances.

Mary stopped to look in the window of some little shop, which put me a minute or so ahead of her. As I entered the doors into the store, I noticed (couldn't have missed him) a man who instantly caught my eye. He was the epitome of the 1970's man. (In fact, he probably WAS in his seventies) Tall, with coal black 'hair', which I'm positive he had created himself, from an old, fake-fur Gorilla suit worn at some long forgotten Halloween costume party. I must say, he did manage to comb it into an Elvis style pompadour, sideburns and all. At the nape of his neck, there was a strange little gray pigtail sticking out from under the "DO". He wore large, dark sunglasses and was dressed in a dark gold polyester knit Leisure jacket with coordinating plaid knit slacks. To complete the look, he was sporting the open necked shirt with the 70's style huge, pointed collar, the heavy gold chain, monster sized rings and black patent leather shoes. He was decked out and strutting his "stuff" for the whole world to see and admire! I took all of this in as I tried, nonchalantly, to passed by him towards the drapery department. Since he was walking the opposite direction from me, toward the other side of the store, (the Men's department) I felt it was safe to look again. I turned to see whether he was a figment of my imagination, or a real, living, breathing Human Being. He was indeed real, but what I also saw, was my baby sister, bent over with one hand on her knee and the other holding onto her mouth as if she were about to spit out some disgusting abomination that she wanted no one to see. Well, seeing her in that state of being, I was certain, from knowing her my entire life, this was just the beginning.... of a fit of uncontrollable laughter. I quickly turned away so I wouldn't encourage what I KNEW was coming. My ploy was a failure.....I heard THE voice, squeezed out in an almost inaudible high pitch. "Dorothymae, (giggle) did you (giggle) see what I (a more hysterical giggle) just saw?" Then, "Oh,  oh, I'm going to pee-he-he-he-he my pants!" Now, mind you, I was trying to stop myself from letting go of the laughter this vision-of-a-man had created deep within the uncontrollable part of me. Mary was NOT helping! She managed somehow to get to me and wrap her arms around my shoulders, laughing uncontrollably. Of course this was all I needed to join her in the merriment, laughter bursting from me like an explosion from a volcano. There we were, two out-of-control, over-the-hill sisters, exposed to the world, in a mall full of hurried shoppers. convulsing with uncontrolled laughter.

People were turning to staring at us with "what in the world is wrong with you" looks of curiosity. Tears were literally gushing out of Mary's eyes, her mascara was running down to her chin, and between the convulsions of laughter, she still kept on about peeing her pants. She wasn't kidding! She told me she had to sit down, as she headed for a display bed, which was decked out in a beautiful, red brocade ensemble fit for a queen. I said, "NO, you can't sit there! You're ready to pee your pants! Come on! There's a bathroom right over there, let's go!" I grabbed her hand before her butt hit that brocade, pulling her up, then dragging her to the safety of the 'Ladies' room. Luckily, the first stall was open so Mary shuffled right in, her legs squeezed together, tippy-toeing, looking like a penguin in a mighty big hurry.

I had visited the restroom a little earlier so I was fine to just wait outside the stall door. Mary, still laughing out loud, was saying (or trying) "oh, lordy, I can't stand it, that is the funniest thing I have seen in years!" I was laughing along with her, once again enduring those 'looks' from complete strangers. After a few minutes, she says to me, "Dorothymae, you HAVE to go down to the ladies department and get me some sweat pants, or something, because I can't wear these wet ones!" She struggled to get these words out as she continued with her hysterical laughter. Oh, my gosh... she had, indeed, wet her pants! Agreeing to rescue her, I took a couple of very deep breaths, then headed back out to the escalator, trying my best not to look like some nut case, caught laughing out loud, while walking alone in a crowd. As I turned and walked toward the doors where we had entered, I saw two other women on the far side of the store, near the Men's department, arms wrapped around each other, bouncing up and down in tiny jumps and obviously roaring in laughter. They had seen this vision of 70's manhood too!!

We managed to get Mary properly re-dressed, then pulled ourselves together, (sort of) slinking out of Penny's to continue on with our shopping spree. When we finally met with Sis and her friends again, Mary made me repeat the tale to them, and the laughter started all over again. Every time Mary and I looked at each other, until we finally went to sleep about 2:00 am, the fits of laughter and talking about this man's demeanor, from the "rug" on his head to the shoes on his feet, continued. Our ribs hurt so badly we could hardly move, That was one of the best days of shopping I have ever experienced! We literally FELT the truth that laughter IS good for the soul. To this day, when we are together and something reminds us of that shopping trip, it's like we are re-living it, and we end up with sore ribs again. I've often wondered whether those other two women felt the same JOY of laughter that Mary and I did. This memory has brought me pleasure just writing about it :)...........Oh, we never did make it to the drapery department..........and 70's Man, please forgive us for for being soooooooooo naughty, at your expense...............................Merry Christmas Everyone!!


Michelle said...

OMG!! I can picture it in my head!!! That is SOOOO Funny!!!
You and Mary always have great adventures!

Michelle said...

Ok, lets see if this works.
You and Mary have too many fun adventures!!! I'm jealous!!! LOL!!!