Thursday, January 24, 2008

Mumz


ALYCE, MUMZ AND THE FIREMAN
Today, my baby sister, MaryHell, called to ask if I would consider giving a home to a four-year-old male ShiTzu. Already being the proud parent of four of the little darlings (dogs) I sucked 'er in and said no. Yeah, I did want him! However, there is a smidgen of good sense still left in this over"stuffed" brain of mine. OK, so what I really said was, "I can't have another male dog here. It will turn Mumz (my oldest dog) into a whore again, which happened when MaryHell gifted me with Buddy, an adorable ShiTzu/Pom mix who had not yet been neutered. (I'll tell this story another time)

Mumz is a "Heinz 57" little female who has been an adventure to have as a part of our household since the day we brought her home about twelve years ago. She is absolutely the most crazy, and cranky dog I've ever known. She is also a nymphomaniac. Since she has always been a mostly indoor pet, with a fenced yard for running and protection, (also for protection of the poor little boy dogs who might wander near) and our other dogs are female, she was not spade.

She was about three when she fell madly in love for the first time. While out shopping one day, I found a pretty cylinder shaped pillow, upholstered in a lovely tapestry fabric, which I thought would go well with my decor. It was about twenty inches wide and maybe eight to ten inches in circumference. Looked lovely with my sofa...... for the short while it was there. As soon as Mumz saw it, it was hers. She took one sniff and her dreams were fulfilled. She had found her True Love! That pillow went everywhere with her. To the yard, to the bedroom, to the food and water dishes.....she was never without it. There was more than one embarrassing moment when I would look out into the yard, seeing see her in a frenzied act of "love" with her pillow while the neighbor kids giggled and the adults stared in disbelief at her lack of modesty for such private doings. Oh, how she loved that pillow, every which way but loose!

Not me, the Fireman, or BetziBu and Alyce, my other furry friends, were allowed to go near her True Love. To do so would turn her into something similar to an enraged, pawing bull, smoke billowing from her nostrils, primal growls from her sweet lips. We all knew where we stood on this issue, so we stood back. Until..........................

Let me regress, just a little. Fireman, Mike, is retired with lots of time on his hands. Those dogs are his life. He loves them to a fault and gives them anything they want. One of those "wants" is a constant supply of dog cookies. (note the two on the table next to Mike in the picture above) He lays them on the coffee table for them so that they are in easy reach, day and night. I gave up the "It's not good for them." speech years ago. Anyway, when any one of them takes one, it belongs only to them, and one of the others had better not come near, even if the dog with the cookie has no intention of eating it.

Mumz, being the crazy, narcisisstic, Bitch she is, always tries to sneak the cookie away when the owner of it is not looking. Mostly, she fails. But one day, when I happened to be home, she succeeded.

The cookie belonged to Alyce, who happened to look away as she held the cookie in her paws, daring anyone to come near. Mumz seized the moment, grabbed the cookie and devoured it before Alyce could utter her normal, low, guttural, Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Alyce was pissed! However, she didn't say a word, but got up and trotted out thru the open back door......another of Fireman's indulgences for his babies' convenience. He and I were sitting on the sofa, reading the morning paper, as this drama unfolded. A few minutes later, Alyce came back through the door, carrying something in her mouth.....couldn't tell what it was. She went immediately, and with determination, to Mumz' True Love, the pillow, where she dropped a big, dried-up turd right on top of Mumz' precious object, then walked away, her head held high and proud. Alyce had made her point.........very clearly.

Mike and I laughed till we cried. Yes, sir........Pets are people, too.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

If I think really hard there are probably a few people that I would like to put a turd on their pillow!