Tuesday, January 1, 2008

For Women Only -On the Vanity of the Male Creature

I have to admit to the world that I am the possessor of latent, blatant irreverance. So, if you are easily offended by the realness of life..................skip this post you cowards.

My regular routine of getting up every morning........... taking a shower, brushing & flossing, blow-drying my hair and finally, performing my daily ritual of creating a half-way decent looking face from the secret ingredients contained, in what I call my "Miracle" kit......... was rudely interrupted by the Fireman. I was deep in thought, contemplating the tasks I would be attending to at work that day. Looking in the mirror, I saw the Fireman walk-in behind me, wearing nothing......... except a somber face, his eyes wide, and full of what appeared to be disappointed disbelief.

I turned slightly to ask the obligatory, "Are you OK?", but before I could get a word out of my freshly painted lips, he said to me............."I'm not middle-aged anymore!" continuing with, "I must be getting old, I have silver b***s!" "Would the fact that you are old have anything to do with this dilemma?", I asked, as that old demon, hysterical laughter, was welling up in the depths of my being. Now mind you, I really intended to soothe his tender ego but the irreverent me just couldn't do it! The laughter erupted to the point where I was bending over, holding my mouth, as I unsuccessfully tried to articulate some kind of profound wisdom that would make him feel loved, adored and totally virile. My failure was obvious as he turned on his heel and left the room, muttering, "Well...ah, well....ah, well.....ah." Seems I was unbelievable to him. Imagine that!

I re-applied my mascara, got myself dressed and left for work, leaving him with a peck on the lips and a sparkle in my eye, as I walked out the door. I was feelin' good! I'm telling you, laughter is, indeed, the best medicine! When I got to work, I was chuckling to myself as I walked into my office. Of course, my Secretary followed me in and wanted to know what was so damn funny. I just couldn't keep this secret from her so.... I repeated the incident, giggling as I was telling her the story. She related very well, getting that "good" feeling going in her soul too. It seems that I couldn't leave well enough alone, so as she turned to leave, I started singing......."Silver B***s, Silver B***s...." to the tune of "Silver Bells", the Christmas song. She stopped, dead in her tracks, turned to me and said, with exasperation, "DOROTHYMAE!! Why did you do that? Now I will have that tune and your words, in my head all day and I will never be able to see Mike come in the store again without it going through my mind. You are such a brat!" "Whadda ya mean.....I'm a GOOD girl!", I said, as she left the room, shaking her head.

Well..... I had to repeat the story several times that day, to a select few women have lived long enough to appreciate the humor in this tale. Some of the men there wanted to know what all the merriment was about, but it was our little secret and we were keeping it to ourselves. (To this day) And yes, the next time the Fireman was in the store shopping for groceries, Sherry found me and cursed me for the tune that was running rampantly through her head.

I just smiled innocently................................. :)

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